i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
