we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
