took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
