But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
