now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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