I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
