can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
