thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
