I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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