i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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