You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
