everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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