Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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