She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
