Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
