ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
