fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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