I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
