he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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