why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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