dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
