We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
