3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
