I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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