First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
