on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it glows. i had to have it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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