It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
