why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
