He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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