what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
