So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
