That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
