matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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