I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
