corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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