We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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