you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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