Im at strip club and am horny
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
