she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
