It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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