so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
