I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
