So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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