is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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