Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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