So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
