Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
