btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
