It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
