**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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