Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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