so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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