I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
