either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
