so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
