the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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