Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
