Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
